Memories

As a part of grief my mind is constantly flooded with memories from the past. Some memories call me back into the happier, more carefree world (or that’s how I remember it!) before my life was shaken by the loss of Stacie. Other memories are of times I regret, that now are impossible to “make up for.” And when I am not remembering, I am projecting into a future with its perpetually empty space-the years of missing Stacie.

But wait. This is the moment. This is the day I have. When these thoughts invade my being I cannot surrender to them I have to imagine letting all the residue of the past, all thoughts about the future, slip away until they lie in a circle around my feet. I then step over them, walk into a different room and look around. I am trying to be fully present in this day – this day is precious in itself and different from any other day I have had or will have.

Even though I may have tears I am happy with how far I have come and to have the support of a few people that I didn’t think would have the energy. I aspire to be a better friend to those people that are helping me.